Yes, it Happens: When Men are Sexually Assaulted by Women
It's time to confront the uncomfortable truth. When we hear the phrase sexual assault, most people picture a male perpetrator and a female victim. This is a real and widespread problem—but it’s not the only story. What often goes ignored, dismissed, or even ridiculed is the reality that men can be—and are—sexually assaulted by women. This may not be the dominant narrative—but it is a very real and very serious issue. While it may seem like a taboo subject or a punchline in some corners of pop culture, for the men who’ve experienced it, it’s anything but a joke. It’s trauma. It’s confusion. And it’s often suffered in silence.
What Sexual Assault by a Woman Can Look Like
Sexual assault isn’t always violent. It can be:
Coercion: Using guilt, threats, or emotional manipulation to pressure someone into sex.
Exploitation: Taking advantage of a man who is intoxicated, asleep, or unable to give consent.
Non-consensual acts: Engaging in sexual acts without clear, sober, enthusiastic consent.
Consent is always required, regardless of gender.
Why It's So Hard for Men to Speak Out
For men, especially those assaulted by women, the silence can be deafening. Here’s why:
1. Society Doesn’t Take It Seriously.
There's a deep-rooted belief that men should always want sex—or that it’s impossible for a man to be “overpowered” by a woman. This belief is wrong and deeply damaging. Sexual assault is not about physical strength. It’s about power, coercion, manipulation, and lack of consent.
2. Masculinity and Shame.
Men are taught to be tough, dominant, and sexually assertive. When a man is sexually violated—especially by a woman—it can feel like a betrayal of those expectations. Many feel emasculated or like they’ve failed some invisible “manhood test.” But let’s be clear: being a victim doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
3. Fear of Ridicule.
Unfortunately, when men do come forward, they’re often met with disbelief or mockery. “You’re lucky,” some will say. “Why are you complaining?” The implication is that men should be grateful for any sexual attention from women, even if it was unwanted or traumatic. This mindset is toxic and invalidates real pain.
4. Confusion About Sexual Response.
Some men experience physical arousal during an assault. This does not mean consent. It’s a reflex, not a choice—but this biological response often adds to the survivor's shame and confusion.
The Psychological Impact.
Many suffer in silence for years—some never tell anyone at all. Men who are assaulted by women often deal with:
Shame, guilt, and confusion.
PTSD and anxiety.
Relationship difficulties.
Depression and suicidal thoughts.
How We Can Help Male Survivors.
Believe them and listen without judgement. Avoid questioning the details or expressing disbelief – just let them know you hear them.
Challenge double standards—sexual violence is wrong no matter who the perpetrator is. Speak out against jokes, assumptions and media portrayals that reinforce this belief.
Create space for male voices in conversations about abuse and consent.
Educate ourselves and others on the full spectrum of sexual violence.
Encourage professional support.
To any man reading this who has experienced something like this: You are not alone. You are not weak. You are not to blame. You deserve healing. Help is available, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Resources
1800RESPECT (1800 737 732)
Sexual Assault Crisis Line - 1800 806 292